Every day
I wake up
Look in the mirror
And grimace with disgust
Not the physical appearance
Not by far
The memories and regrets inside my mind
Are far worse than anything
Take a good long look
You damn fool
Step back, and fall into the repression
Blissful doesn't last
Happiness isn't a reality
No option is a good option
Only biding time
Before someone else drags you down
Claws have never burned so hot
A whisper has never screamed so loud
Reverberating in my mind
It's so fucking painful
Hearing past mistakes over and over
Don't forget what you can't live without
Set in stone
Burned to your skin
Carved into your expression
You aren't
Breathe in
Breathe out
It’s been a while hasn’t it, Matthew?
Breathe in
Breathe out
Thinking about the monumental responsibility
The crippling and burning insecurities
The ever-present depression pressing on your head
Breathe in
Breathe out
As you sink lower and lower
Into the depth that you cannot leave
As if anyone cared enough to let you
Breathe in
Breathe out
Drowning in shock
Watching the sunlight fade away
Like the goals and joyous memories
You were promised, and close to achieving
Breathe in
Breathe out
Hell…that took no time at all
For all of those to slip through your fingers
Stuck in your ways
Like a sad,
We’ve come to an end
Find your footing
In a life of uncertainty
Balance will help you
Keeping your head level
Not to drown in despair
Beautifully breaking
Humble and heartless
The fall of a narcissists
Bleeding teeth
Fighting through the pain
Keep yourself awake
Reality is only what you make of it
Break a bone if you wish
Make sure you aren’t gone
Have you tasted relief?
True freedom
Your back straightens out
Your eyes close
You can melt
Leaving the repressed memories
And regrets behind you
Where they damn well should be
Strike when necessary
Comfort is a luxury
You can’t afford that, can you?
Not in your experi
Guilt
Dripping from the broken man's teeth
Letting us all know
He has sin
He has been brought down from his heavenly light
To kiss the boots of those he has betrayed
To be completely subservient
Repenting for his sins
His treachery
His morality is no more
Every day
Every single breath taken
Hatred I always a factor
Depression
Misery
Guilt
Repression
Fighting
Clawing
Breaking apart
Inside of his body and mind
So I say to the man with nothing
With the guilt of the world on his shoulders
Eat your damn heart out
Keep me locked inside
Day after day
Year after year
No crying
No screaming
No chance
Just keep gritting teeth
And twittling fingers
That's what I'm supposed to do, right?
Keep it tucked away
Where I can smile
While I die inside
Don't start shaking with anger
They'll know
They'll prod
And insist
And beg to know
Better bite your tongue
You may let go
Destroying every relationship in the process
Friends
Family
Partners
Losing it all
In an instant
Unloading years of repressed emotion
On one unlucky soul
Let go
Cry until your eyes burn
Scream until your throat is torn apart
Wait until the dust settles
Before doing it all again the next day
Don
Further and further
Down the abyss I tumble
Grasping
Slashing
To take hold
Of a happier reality
Evading my fingers
As the abyss darkens
Distant voices inhabit my ears
"Bastard"
"Cheater"
"Liar"
Never before have I been called such things
Here in my troubled youth
Waiting day by day
For the sun to set
And begin again
Now, without her by my side
It will be like tying my own noose
Day by day, gritting teeth
And breaking hearts along the way
What was a tower of strength,
Is now a shambled ruin,
From which I am now entombed,
I tear out these heartstrings,
Binding me to the rubble,
Trust,
Love,
Fidelity,
Who I used to be,
All will
From those with cracked hearts
To hollow souls
Everyone has a will to survive
Survive this Hell that is made by you
You are in control
You decide what slides off of your back
And what pushes you into the dirt
Drives you from normal
Too feeble
Too weak
Too desperate
Too odd
Too off
Too insane
Too suicidal
Too broken
It's all YOU
Only your decision
Let NO ONE in
They will break their fingers
Trying to grab your arm
And bring you down
To their level
To show you the twisted end of life
The one no one wants to talk about
That no one wants to look at
Or acknowledge
Better run
Or the depression will chase you down
And destroy your wil
Did you hear His cry?
As He fell from grace
Some did not
Leaving the rest of us to wonder
What are we to do?
The strong will stay strong
As they beat and torment the weak
The weak submit
So they will live
Kindness has saved no one
Neither has charisma
Manipulation has
Hatred has
Death
Fear
Torment
Revenge
Jealousy
Agony
Depression
Desperation
The world has become sick
We are all waiting for Him to return
This is the issue
Whether He is there
or if He returns
Humankind will still do what they have been doing
For centuries
No moral compass can prevent that
Some of us are just broken
Missing a few parts
Missing dignity
Or love
Or humanity, ent
Please, help me see
The strong anger inside of you
That burns like fire
Utilize it
Control it
Bend it to your will
All of that torment thrown a you
All of the lies
The heartbreak
The suffering
The anguish
Show me where to cross the line
So I can play you like a violin
You see, I am manipulative
I am deceptive
I will not accept failure
At least, not without a consequence
To add to the rage inside
I bring the anger to a different plane
Ascending
To force those
Weak
Or desperate enough
To follow my lips
And long for my command
To jump when they are told
To step back and leave their morals aside
For the greater good
Myself
Pulling at your mus
How does it feel?
To constantly lose it all
Before slowly,
Pathetically,
Methodically,
Climbing back to the top of the social pyramid
So shallow
So grand
So unsatisfactory
So incomparable
Slowly fleeting
You are the best that there ever is
Or there ever will be
And then you're dropped
You're just another faceless hag
Clawing your way to the top of an unstable existance
Where you try your hardest to be sure
No one can see your insecurities
No one can break your walls
Through a cold heart
And a closed mind
No weakness
No way to reach out
And make sure you don't jump off the edge of existance
Do you know what individualism is?
Standing out
I